Thursday, November 6, 2008

Day Six aka Wonderings of a Special Needs Momma

Here are some of the things I'm wondering. I'm not saying I expect anyone to have an answer, I'm just wondering.

I have a lot of days where I wonder WHAT, exactly are my goals for Charlie. I mean, I can focus really well on the small stuff, but I have no idea what the big picture is. Do I want him to have his own place, do I want him to go to college? Do I want him to walk? To have a job? Sometimes I wonder if what I'm doing is the right thing when I'm not exactly sure where I'm headed.

I wonder if I'll ever have any mommy-friends. We have some really great friends who hang out with us and Charlie and it's fun, but I wonder if people who have regular children would be uncomfortable around Charlie.

And sometimes, late at night, I wonder this:

I wonder if I made the right decision for Charlie. In the very beginning, I wanted to support Charlie and his life because I thought that it meant I was supporting him. I wanted to take him home with me and love him. Now, as he gets older, and he faces so many challenges, I wonder if I was selfish.