Monday, February 15, 2010


It's funny how much I've hesitated writing this here. I pride myself on being honest, but for some reason I've felt ashamed about these particular emotions.

I feel certain I'm not the only one out there. . . OK, I'm not that certain.

So here's what I'm thinking:

If I have another baby, and that baby is "normal," will I love Charlie less?

I love Charlie, but I will admit that I was a little afraid of mothering a special needs child. Time has passed, and now, it's all I know. Will another child make my feelings less? Will I love my normal baby more? Should I mess with the happy ignorance I have now? Right now, this is my normal and I'm scared to change things.

I know logically that a mother's love for her children is always there, but I hate to imagine that another baby might make Charlie seem defective or less. I struggle with this--especially as I begin to think about adding to our family.

Have you been there?